Grey Zones, Leaving My Mark, and Dog Smell is Universal

If you missed the last post please scroll down - I have an epic picture for you!

1/18/10

Shower. Best thing to start the day. The bathroom has a tub you have to climb into just to shower. Life would've been fun if I had slipped and fallen. I did a quick run to the bank with Will. I ended up getting change for a five, two Euros and a one. The woman at the desk handed me what looked like a hotel card with a magnetic strip and directed me to an automatic machine. I inserted the card and the machine spat out my coins one at a time. I wanted the woman just to hand me money, but it actually makes sense to use the machine. The tellers no longer have large amounts of money as it is all locked away behind a giant machine.

The whole group did a laundry run. I struggled through some of the trials and actually left my mark on at the laundry mat - permanent mark. My jeans have a metal piece on the back right pocket. It is actually kind of neat as it has a carving that can either be taken as a rabbit or a whale. The problem is that it is on the left side of my pocket...directly where I sit. Most of the time it doesn't bug me but sometimes it kind of stabs. This time I was lounging on the wooden bench in the laundry mat. I slid my legs forward so that I lounge even more. I slid too far down so I sat back up and slid down again. I heard an odd noise through my headphones this time. I took my headphones off. Eventually I was too far and so I repeated the process, this time clearly hearing the grating sound that was now coming from under me. I looked under my...butt...where I located three huge gouges marks along the bench. I felt bad that I had been the first one to really scrape up the bench. I tried just to sit normally. Took a lot of effort. Clearly I have been spending too much of my time lying on floors with only my head leaning against the wall. I have a horrible feeling that my posture is going to give me a beating as I try to sit in chair properly at school.

There was this dog in the building. He, I am guessing, was happy, wonderful, and loved to be petted. When he left it was oddly comforting to realize that he smelled the same as all other dogs. Nothing like the good old universal dog smell.

Walking back there was a car crash. A taxi was driving crazy and a porch was backing up. The taxi honked and swerved left but the pourche didn’t stop. It slammed its back left corner into the taxi's side. It made such a huge noise for so little damage though.

We gathered later to go out. The girls split from us the second they found a woman's H&M leaving us guys to wonder. We went to H&M, a sports shop, LEGO, several tourist shops, and a few other random places. We heard Under the Sea played by a Jamaican looking guy on a marimba.

In class we started talking about Grey Zones of ethics. It is sort of like virtues becoming vices. The difference is that your ethics may force you to do something less ethical, leaving you with less faith in the ethics that you had. There is one situation I have had to face a lot in Germany - the homeless or crippled. People would walk around, with their leg bent in at a 30-degree angle or unable to move around more than three feet in the air because they couldn't support themselves higher. Some were less handicapped. The double bind is do you help? This may seem like a stupid question. Of course my heart screams yes but my head wonders if I should. By giving to these people so that they can survive I wonder if the money will be used for things I don't support and that will not help their survival - often cigarettes or alcohol. I have had this happened in Canada. I went running early one morning before my choir was going to perform at All North West in Vancouver BC. I ran into a guy who asked for money as he sat in the doorway of a 7/11. I told him no but I would get him something to eat. He said no. I asked if he was sure. He changed his mind and asked for a few candy bars. I got him a sandwich. Did he start eating it? Yes. Was it what he would've spent his money on? No. When placed in a situation where you don't know if the person is going to spend the money the way you want it to be spent it is better to just get them what they need (to survive), fulfilling your desire to improve their life. Kant would argue that I am wrong, as no matter what my intentions were they are led by good will, making my actions good within themselves. I would argue that he has made the actions good, but that does not deny the fact that my good actions can produce bad results. This is the problem of that Grey Zone. I have given money to several people, but when there is doubt I have trouble acting. I don't want the bad results - even if my actions are good. I can't completely trust that my actions won't lead to bad things. I can only hope that what I do can make a difference for these people.

The first time I had this concept of a grey zone was actually in an RPG (roll playing game). You act as a character in the game and the actions that you choose creates how good or bad you character becomes. A beggar comes to you asking for money. You can either give him money or call him scum and scare him off. If you give him money he goes off to buy food. Realizing he has money other beggars beat him to death to steal the money, as they are so desperate. When you choose to meanly scare him off he doesn't attract the attention that causes his death. Knowing what happens in both choices, I actually decided to scare him off, making my character more "evil." My actions were bad, but the results were harmless compared to an act of compassion that causes death. Funny how random things stick with you and influence your life. I assume the world isn't that bad that the people I give a coin to won't get mugged. It just makes me a little aware that we don't know the consequence of our good actions sometimes.


We had dinner at the same cafe that we first went to. Its name is Schuarzes cafe...or something like that. I once again ordered milk, to the laughter of me classmates, and a Germany style noodle dish. It was the same poufy noodles as last time, but there was a completely different sauce. Can't really explain it. It was a wonderful night though because the place gave us water!

Clean room. Pack. Shower.

We had a mini party downstairs in one of the kid’s rooms. People were smoking cigars on the balcony with the door mostly shut but we could smell it from outside the room. I stayed for a bit but eventually the smoke drove me away. I typed for an hour in my bed. With Will not back I decided I should just pass out.